despair
by patentedpineapples
Summary: SDR2 endgame spoilers! Keeping the description vague though. stream of conciousness after the Mastermind's demise, from a certain someone's point of view. (some graphic depictions of violence)


she's gone gone gone gone gone.

what are we going to do?

we need her.

need.

what do we do now?

what do we do?

what what what what what...

what do i do now?

they took her away, stole her from us. took her right in their grimy hands and crushed her to bits. ground her up, pepper in a mill, into tiny diamonds of despair. just like that - splat

despair despair despair

is that what we're feeling? is that what i feel? it hurt hurt hurts. and now i don't like it, not at all.

but, that's not right. we thrive on despair. everything that aches is thrilling. anything that hurts feels oh so good.

this is different. because we aren't feeling it. how long has it been since i've seen someone truly scream? face white in terror, mouth wide open. there was blood everywhere then, too. and there was despair.

it would pour out everywhere, spilling over me, consuming me. once like ecstasy. the touch of despair, her touch of despair. it was supposed to be wonderful but now it's wicked.

it's different now. mouths wide open, faces contorted and deathly white. screams, cries, fists pounding against the cold, cold floor. the despair is ours this time. but it shouldn't be this way. it can't be this way. we can't have it this way. i don't want it to be this way.

stop stop stop stop stop stop stop! stop! STOP!

i can feel it now and it hurts, it aches, it's ripping at my insides. i can feel its claws, shredding from inside out. the pointed claws of despair. it's in the pit of my stomach, unrelenting and violent. i want to vomit, maybe then it will come out. there's screaming, high-pitched, terrifying. it hurts my ears. make it stop. but they can't stop because it isn't them. it's me me me.

it was never them. no no no. they are smiling. big, wide grins. and they stare at her with a smile. taking it in, enjoying it. savoring it. why why why wh- no. how can they? she is gone gone gone gone gone forever and ever and ever. and i know it because of the tearing inside and the screams and the cold, cold darkness that only i can feel.

why won't it stop? i want it gone. i want it out out out out out out.

but, maybe, maybe there is a way. i need her. she can't be gone, not completely. there has to be something left. and i want it. want want want it. she's still there. she can't leave us like this. can't leave me. don' leave me,

and i crawl all the way over to her. she looks too perfect, limbs scattered everywhere. it's enough to make a person cry. beautiful beautiful beautiful-

beautifully horrific-

nonononono.

there has to be something, something left for me. and there is. porcelain skin leading to slender fingers, manicured at the ends. beautiful, lovely, perfect perfect perfect and it's mine. it will be mine.

but, not in this state. not at all. i want to keep it. forever. part of me.

so, i crawl around, reaching, hoping, finding. crystal clear, shattered. sharp as a diamond. perfect for cutting. perfect, just like her.

and it comes down on my wrist. hack hack hacking away. have to get it off off off off off. because i need her. i need this. what will life be without her? nothing. and it doesn't hurt because nothing hurts like the despair.

and there's red everywhere, gushing down, covering the floor. red red red all over. i'm hitting something hard, but i have to keep going. need it off off off. gone. get it off.

muscles and bone and fingers and fingernails fall to the floor and i am free. the despair, horrible horrible, gut-wrenching despair is free, too. ripping, stabbing, tearing at me no more. it flies off.

back to business. needle and thread. needle and thread. i don't know where it came from. but it's here now and i need it. i grab perfection. fine as marble fingers, ornamented nails at the end. beauty in its finest form. and now to sew sew sew.

skin meets skin, needle meets skin, thread meets skin meets skin. again and again and again. the more it stings, the better. i can hardly feel it. my head feels light. up up up, lighter than air. but i have to finish. i need her. in out in out in out in out in out in out in out in out in out in out in out in out in out in out in out in out in out.

the darkness comes back. refusing to leave me. i can see it now, right in front of my eyes. and i'm floating. light light lighter lighter. all the way up into the air. and it's all going black black black black black.

eyes open. it's soft now, the ground i mean. because it isn't the ground, it's a bed. i mean, i think it is. it's soft anyway. but i don't care. what about - yes! i did it. did it did it did it. she's still here. in all her delicate beauty. flawless white and thin and dainty, forever attached to my wrist. she can't move, of course she can't. but, she's still here. that's all that matters. i won't miss her ever again. because now she's here. always with me.

i must be the luckiest guy in the world.


End file.
